Friday, April 14, 2017

A Make-Over = Fresh Start

A Make-over = Fresh Start....

But first a bit of rambling that needs to get out...

I've been in a bit of a rut lately - I think the not-so-notable weather, a month of bad health, and just generally being overwhelmed and burned out got to me. Something had to give, I had to take a step back from a few things, and I needed time to think, reflect, recharge and reset. My writing took a hit, along with a few other things, but I'm slowly getting back on track. I thrive on routine and routine WILL only foster productivity and regular output, but that will come. I have to not be so hard on myself.

But that writing itch has been building, getting more and more itchy - so much it needs a really good scratch. But I'm holding out. I'm not giving into that scratch just yet. Where the writing spark had evaded me before, now I'M taking charge and not letting it have it's way just yet. Not letting myself scratch just yet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, and I think by holding off on finally giving in to a good scratch (I HAVE been writing little bits here and there, just not my usual full-steam-ahead-writing) I'm letting the momentum build and letting my desperate writing spark know who's in charge.

I'm in charge of my writing - only me. I say how often, how much and what. No one else. I'm responsible for what I do - and what I don't do. In my last author interview with Jodie Esch, she mentioned she had burned out. She said 'After living in the teen head for my four YA books, I was burnt out. I needed a change of pace.' That resonated with me. I realize I HAD burned out on various things. I had to step away and ignore, and the moment you ignore something, it wants you back. Well I'm coming back, but on MY terms. I got caught up in the 'rules' of writing - meaning a 'true writer' is only a 'true writer' if they are doing X,Y,Z. Nope - not having that anymore. It's not a lame excuse to EXCUSE for not writing, I'm just not going to keep myself within the confines of what constitutes a 'real writer' anymore.

I had been questioning what a real writer IS and IS NOT, and part of my problem of getting myself into a rut was that I was overthinking everything. This the norm for me. I overthink everything and don't just let things BE and come naturally. So I acknowledged I was burned out and ACCEPTED IT. I acknowledged that I was overthinking it all and LET THINGS GO. I saw I was overwhelmed and took a STEP BACK. I knew I was stale and needed a fresh start and CHANGED. And most importantly, I GAVE MYSELF A BREAK - because no one's gonna give yourself a break except you.

So as I inch closer to something new - something that is right for me - and tease that writing spark with just a tiny scratch, I know I'm back. Everything WILL be okay. I AM a writer - no one has the right to tell me what I AM or AM NOT.

First step is a make-over. A fresh start - a clean slate - and a new look. And I'll sit back and see how that feels...and then carry on at my own pace. In my own time.

And goshdarnit, lookee here! I DID write something after all!

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